A child’s first funeral can bring a rush of emotions, and while such feelings are tough to manage, some guidance can help them cope better. For children attending their first funeral, it is important to explain death at an age-appropriate level and prepare them with an outline of a funeral. Giving them space to express their emotions and allowing them to decide whether they want to attend helps them feel heard and supported. Additionally, clarifying the funeral place etiquette with guidance from funeral homes helps them understand the behavior. Lastly, the grief processing helps them post-funeral, and attending their first funeral becomes easier.
Steps to Help a Child Cope with Their First Funeral
Follow these steps to help a child attend their first funeral:
Step 1: Prepare Them in Advance
Before the children come to the funeral, explaining what they can expect and the sequence of events is crucial.
- Use Kid Language: Do not go into the details depending on age. Instead, be concise while explaining.
- Explain Death: For younger kids, it is difficult to help them process death. Use simple sentences such as “When someone dies, their body stops working, and they don’t feel pain anymore.”
- Tell Them What a Funeral Is: Focus on gathering loved ones in cases of death, explaining the presence of an urn or casket, and people crying. Let them know it is okay to feel sad.
- Write Down Their Questions: Invite them to ask anything on their mind. Children tend to ask the most unexpected questions, so it is best you answer them simply and truthfully.
Step 2: Allow Them to Express Emotions
Grief is something everyone processes in different means. Some might express sadness, while others do not express much at all. Remind them that whatever they feel is completely fine.
- Speak Freely: Ask them how they feel and tell them that feeling sad, confused, or nothing is okay.
- Allow Them To Express: Tell them it is okay to cry if they feel so. If they seem distant, give them space but remain available for their need of comfort.
- Use Stories or Picture Books: Children’s books about grief would enable them to understand others in different circumstances and help normalize the feeling of grief.
Step 3: Decide Whether the Child will Attend the Funeral
Consider how the child has been coping with the loss before deciding if they should attend. While it is true that attending the funeral of someone close will help them emotionally, for some children, it is extremely difficult to process. Therefore, ask them to sit with you and share their thoughts and emotions. They can also honor their loved one in a meaningful way, such as drawing a picture, lighting a candle, or writing a heartfelt letter.
Step 4: Teach Funeral Etiquette
Funeral etiquette is hard to comprehend and is specific to every society, including:
- Discuss Silent Listening: Explain why it is necessary to remain silent during speeches.
- Inform Them of Any Traditions to Expect: If religious rituals are related, inform them beforehand to avoid confusion.
- Dress Them Appropriately: They can wear a skirt and top, dress, or trousers and shirt, but remember, comfort is a priority.
- Offer Support: Be there for the grieving child wherever and whenever necessary during the funeral.
- Allow Breaks if Necessary: When the child seems too stressed, politely excuse yourself for a short moment for them to calm down and gather themselves.
- Clarify the Reception: If there is a get-together afterward, explain that they can interact with their family members and recall joyful times.
Step 5: Assist Them in Coping with the Grief After the Funeral
A child’s funeral grief process is not over at the time of the event, but post-funeral services are also essential:
- Ask Them to Speak About the Departed Person: Help them reminisce over pleasant memories by recalling things together and viewing old photos.
- Help Them Achieve Closure: Suggest leaving a letter behind, using drawings, or keeping a small token to assist them in remembering their loved ones.
When is it Appropriate for Children to Go to a Funeral?
Children of any age can attend a funeral. Death is a part of life, and as painful as it may be, they should have the chance to bid farewell to their loved ones.
Conclusion
Children have a tough time dealing with the loss of a loved one. But with adequate preparation, you can help a child cope with their first funeral. Letting them know in advance what to expect will ease anxiety, and openly sharing grieving emotions offers comfort. Giving them the option to decide whether to attend and teaching them funeral home etiquette offers a sense of familiarity. It is important to make them feel comfortable during the funeral and ensure there is room to grieve later on.
